Who bit Apple's Apple logo? The tell-all video, plus our own theory
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One of the things I like best about summer are the views and the sport. I’m not referring to beautiful sunsets or baseball, but to the lovely young men doing yard work in my neighborhood. I wonder if the yard services hire them for their gorgeous bodies or do they get gorgeous bodies from working for the yard service? Doesn’t matter, all I care about is that now that the weather has warmed up I’m enjoying a vista of shirtless, shorts-clad young men moving rocks and other heavy things out of doors. I have no qualms about sitting in my porch swing with a cold drink enjoying the scenery and weaving my web. Which tactic to use today? I think dress for success in shorts that show off my legs and a tank top that puts my luscious breasts on discreet display, discreet until I must bend over and pick something up and then shows them and my tempting pink nipples to the best advantage. A stroll by the job and stop for a chat to start the game and guarantee their attention when I’m next on the porch. Setting the hook by carrying a bulky, heavy-looking box is almost too easy. Any young man worth his jock strap should be on that one in a flash, offering to carry it inside for me and staying for a cold drink, being thanked with a friendly kiss on the cheek while I let my thigh press fleetingly against his crotch and my breasts brush up against his chest. Then, shoo! Out the door. Send him on his way dazed and not quite sure what happened happened but wanting to find out. With the hook firmly set, the teasing can begin in earnest. Do I draw the seduction out and torment him for a while? Invite him for a cold drink on the porch after work and watch the disapointment as he discovers he’s not the only one invited? Ask him to help with a chore that involves a lot of bending over on my part? Thanking him this time with a bit of a warmer kiss and more obvious caress. Or do I give in to my lust and invite him for a cold drink after work and simply take him to my bed? Let him get those first hurried fumblings out of the way and then spend the late afternoon exploring each others bodies in my deliciously large bed under the breeze of the ceiling fan? Letting him discover how delectable an older woman can be who knows exactly what she wants and how to make him give it to her? The latter I think. After all, it’s been a long, cold winter.
In Delaware there is a law saying Condoms may only be sold by doctors and wholesale druggists. In Carlsbad, New Mexico there is a law saying No couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains. In Utah adultery, oral and anal sex, masturbation are considered sodomy and can lead to imprisonment. In Arkansas adultery is punishable with a mere $20 to $100 fine. In Washington it is against the law to have sex with a virgin under any circumstances. (Including the wedding night). What do you say when the neighbors hear you having sex -- and you're alone? For any of you who went to post pictures of your teenie weenies and beg for us to evaluate and comment on same, Ratemypindick.com is not gone. Dry your eyes boys, there was a hold up on the domain renewal and it should all be resolved by tomorrow. Personally I think the glitch was caused by a pindick at the hosting company who didn’t get his pix posted and was pouting. On that note, a few guidelines for getting your pix posted on ratemypindick.com. If you look at the pix that are posted you will notice that they send in not only a blurry/dark/obfuscated picture of their pindicks, but some text as well describing why they are a pindick loser or why we should post their pix or at the very least “please”. Pix that come in with one line of text saying something like “I’m a pindick” or “I have a small dick” don’t get posted. Tell me something! I already know you have a teenie weenie pindick! Those of you who “get it” know that being a pindick is as much a state of mind as anything else.
Hef discusses his favorite films every week in Movie Night at the Playboy Mansion.
More Americans lose their virginity in June than in any other month. Must be all those weddings and prom nights. In the original Grimm fairly tale of ‘Sleeping Beauty’, the Prince rapes her while she sleeps and then leaves before she wakes up. Glad that was rewritten! Women who went to college are more likely to enjoy both the giving and receiving of oral sex than high school dropouts. I always said higher education paid off.
Thanks to all of you who took advantage of my anniversary special and made last week really great. This week is a different kind of special. It’s my birthday on Sunday and I’m going to be 50. Yes, that’s right 50. Something magic about that age. Its the perfect age for the older woman of your fantasies. I’m at the age where I’ve shed my inhibitions and know exactly what I want and have no problem telling you what I want. I’m more in tune with my body than I’ve ever been and love to share it with men of all ages. You younger men looking for an older woman to seduce you and you men closer to my own age looking for an elegant lady to spend some time with. I’m all of those and more. So call and help me celebrate with phone sex with the older woman of your fantasies. And if you don’t know what to get me for my birthday here’s a hint.
Here’s your fun fix for a Friday afternoon. 30% of women over the age of 80 still have sexual intercourse either with their spouse or boyfriends. Gives me something to look forward to! Mosquitoes, which mate in the air, perform a sex act that lasts only 2 seconds. Sounds like a guy I dated once. It’s illegal to have sex without a condom in Nevada. More on Sex Laws later. Today, Japan leads the world in condom use. Like cosmetics, they’re sold door to door, by women. A new twist to the Avon Lady. Pearle
The Caramoja tribe of northern Uganda tie a weight on the end of their penises to elongate them–sometimes to such a degree that the men literally have to knot them up–while the Mambas of New Hebrides wrap theirs in yards and yards of cloth, making them look up to 17 inches long. Bigger is always better no matter where you are The best known penis in the world is probably the one belonging to John Curtis Holmes (1944-1988), whose penis when in erection measured a stunning 12″ (30.5 cm)! Set a standard for all inadequate males to measure themselves by. In Paris in 1977, microsurgeons managed to sew back the penis and testicles of a young man who had castrated himself in a schizoid fit. Apart from being sterile, the patient was later capable of a normal sex life. Make it bigger, cut it off, so much identity wrapped up in the penis
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